


Not waving

by Hasty85



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasty85/pseuds/Hasty85
Summary: Beth doesn't need help, and she isn't drowning. Maybe someday she'll believe that. (Preseries.)





	Not waving

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't know where this came from but here it is. Suicidal ideation, mention of multiple attempts, and people, do not do this in real life.

“We're doing this,” Ruby says, stopping the car and popping the locks.  
“No we aren't,” Beth says mulishly, crossing her arms and glaring. “We can't afford a psychiatrist and I don't need one anyway.”

They could, she thinks, but she hates the idea. It's almost worse than waking up in a bathroom, naked, with three neighbors, her kid sister, and kid sister's very concerned best friend. She never asks for help, because help never comes when you need it. Also, it leaves your ribs bruised.

“The kids can't afford to lose you either,” Ruby says. “For crying out loud, Kenny's barely five. The youngest two wouldn't even remember you.”  
“For fuck's sake! Anyone can fall asleep in a bathtub!”

“True. Especially if they took a boatload of sleeping pills first.”  
“Four is hardly a boatload.”

“Mmm.. I think it was more than that. You're lucky Trish is freelancing right now, or you would be a dead duck. This happen before?”  
“No, never. It wasn't..”

“What about that thing when you were sixteen?”  
“I can't believe you're dragging that up. I just wanted to see what hanging was like. It's called experimenting.”  
“Sweetie, that is not an experiment. It's called a suicide attempt. Now you get your butt in there.”

“Or what?”

Ruby sighs. “I will find your stash and I will flush it. And I'll tell Dean.”

Hah, like she could find all the pills. Still, she might make good on her threat. Beth would never make the mistake of admitting she can't cope. If she's anything less than perfect, if she makes one little mistake, her kids will grow up like she grew up, hustling their classmates for money and making their nickels scream for mercy. 

(Although, some of it was just for fun. There was always that little thrill of winning yet another card game, another roll of the dice.)

“Did you pick this guy out of a phonebook?”  
“No, he's a regular. Sunny side up, side of toast, no bacon, black coffee. Now, shoo.”

00

She takes the anti-depressants for two months, and she hates every second of it. She knows all the side-effects, but mostly, they make her feel flat. Finally, she feeds them into the garbage disposal, one by one by one. She stops going to Dr. Rudd, at first making excuses, then she just doesn't return his calls. She doesn't need him, she doesn't need help, she doesn't need the pills, she's perfectly fine just the way she is. And maybe someday she'll believe it.


End file.
